Healing from Adoption
- Feb 21, 2023
- 2 min read
TW: Loss, Adoption
I am a transracial, transnational adoptee from Taiwan who follows other adoptees on Instagram who educate others on the trauma of adoption and offer services to adoptees.
I often share these people's content, some of who I'll list below, and inevitably, every other week or so, I receive a message from an adopter or someone who is thinking about adopting thanking me for sharing these posts and saying something along the lines of, "I'm sorry for what you've been through and I hope this work helps you heal."
I understand that they have the best intentions, but these messages speak VOLUMES about how people who are not adopted do not understand the nuance and complexity that lives in adoptees, which is why it is SO important that adoptee voices are heard.
I cannot speak for other adoptees since our experiences are all vastly different, so these are solely my thoughts on my experience.
I'm not saying there is nothing to heal from when it comes to adoption, but, for me, healing is something that has layers. It can get better. You may uncover deeper layers the more healing and processing you do, but there's a trajectory, however non-linear, of feeling better at some point.
Adoption is not one of those things that "gets better".
Not for me at least.
The trauma of adoption for me is loss.
💔 The loss of a family I will probably never know.
💔 The loss of my country and culture of origin.
💔The loss of identity and connection to an inherent piece of myself.
Of course, I can research and possibly find my birth family, and try to glue together bits and pieces of an identity that was lost as soon as I was adopted, but there will still be cracks and holes no matter how much research I do.
It's like when someone you love dies.
You never really "heal", your grief just changes.
You have your memories, you have your keepsakes, you know they're always there in spirit, but they are still missing.
Except in the case of adoption, I do not have memories or keepsakes.
These are not things that can be "healed".
They can be grieved, but, just as when a loved one dies, there are still pieces missing that I'll never get back.
For me, that is the trauma of adoption - life long grief over the loss of something I may never know or understand.
Adoptee Content Creators I Follow:
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